The buildings at school are pretty old and so there are these little doors scattered all around, hiden here and there. Everytime i see one i feel the compulsion to open it. imagining amazing suprises on the other side. Perhaps its full of candy and toys. or a doorway to a miny, poorly hidden narnia. or, and i only dare dream this on special days, the living courters for the race of little people that secretly live on campus. Sadly though, i have only discovered pipes and storage spaces so far. but i'm keeping hope alive.

Voices in my head

hey mike, hey buddy, look I know you've been having a hard time these last couple of days. mainly due to the fact that yesterday you turned 25 and find yourself working at a friendly's and taking collage courses with 17 year old and not having any friends in a new city.

I know buddy...it's a rough day in here (gestures to slightly chaotic head space)but hey, I have something that will hopefully cheer you up and convince you your life is just totally behind.

A list, you'll figure out what it's for:
-BORN!!
-watched parents fight eating disorders and win
-traveled to 39 states by bus, building sets and doing plays the whole way with 40 of your friends and class mates.
-shook President Clinton's hand
-Got "asked to leave" school.
-Decided this Jesus thing was the real deal and i'm in
-Graduated high school
-went to Vancouver Canada for 6 month DTS
-Worked in Mother Theresa Home of the Dieing
-Spent Easter in Himalayas and helped build a church there
-At grasshoppers, beetles, frogs, maggots,
-Got a tattoo
-Got heart broken
-Was on Swedish T.V.
-Was on CNN
-Moved to South African Townships
-started after school program
-Loved dieing people and wept a lot for them
-Got mugged...multiple times
-Led a team in Namibia for 3 months
-bought, Killed, Skinned and cooked a goat for 20
-Lived among traditional tribesmen for 3 weeks
-Ran from the police
-Got caught in a riot and gassed
-Got stuck in Ethiopia and left behind
-Got bit by a Hyena
-prayed all night on Mt. Sinai
-Learned to Scuba Dive in malawi and the Red sea.
-met old friends in London and realized you like them even more.
-Learned to care for people other's don't
-Learned that God was bigger then I expected by reading books and meeting people who showed me
-Ran a high school youth group
-Traveled around Ireland for 2 weeks with old friends
-taught children with Autism
-betrayed trusts
-broke someone's heart
-Moved to a new city and started school where I wanted

see, despite where you are now, you’ve lived to the best of your ability. Don’t worry about it…dummy.

Monday is my birthday...I'll be 25.

The truth is my major birthdays have been kind of a bust. 20 was good, I don't really remember what I did, but I'm sure it was exciting and meaningful. Full of exciting misadventure and deep realizations of the existential nature of self and man.

But since then They have been kind of a bust:
18: I was in school and very angsty. This wasn't special for my 18th birthday, i was angsty all the time. But still...it carried over.
21: I was stuck in the township. Sure i was in south africa but i couldn't go out of the base walls and i was really busy being melodramatic about a girl...girls, psh.

And now it's time for my 25th. I have school durring the day but refuse to sit at home doing homework and feeling sorry for myself...

So what should i do? suggestions?

This is the conundrum of my life right now...

I think i made a mistake in deciding to live off campus. I'm sick of the drive, I'm sick of not knowing anyone. I'm sick of being too far away from anything to participate in anything.

So my choices are, slug it out or move onto campus.

The problem with slugging it out is that I won't be proactively working to change anything. I don't like that. It makes me feel powerless.

The problem with moving on campus is that I won't have anywhere to live for the summer.

The best thing would be to find a place with someone off campus but still near campus, but I have no idea where to find that person.

what to do, what to do, what to do.

-sigh.

I'm still foolish.

Today i forgot...

Matthew 6:24

where hope really comes from.

(insert whitty quip about context here)

Timing is everything. It's true, someone could have the most brilliant, perception shattering, hope inspiring thing to say, but if they can't find the right timing, the right context in which to say it it doesn't matter.

This goes for the bible too. This book was written during a certain time, i a certain context and with certain assumptions of what the reader would know and interoperate. We forget that a lot of the time, wanting to believe that this book fell from the heavens like manna from the lips of God.

But it wasn't. It was written by men, in a culture, with motives and purpose, and God inspires and uses that. But still...there's context. Without that we miss a lot. In fact, without it i think my may miss the real message. It gets lost in a flurry of pop-culture religion focused on this overarching theme of individualism and morality.

I guess what i'm trying to say ( it always seems to change as i write on here) is that I think the history of the bible and the cultures it was written in is devastatingly important, and i need to learn much more of it.
And also this election has made me think of some things that i was going to write, but i'm afraid that it'll just come off as for or against a certain candidate campaigning. That the message of what i'm really trying to convey will get lost in the context of everything that is happening. So i'll wait.

until wednesday.