A thoughts on thoughts

I used to think differently.

I used to have real deep important thoughts about interesting things. I don't feel like I do this anymore.

This ability was stolen from me, like a midnight thief through the unlocked doors of my mind. I even know who the culprit it.

SCHOOL!

I've never been very good at school. I chalk this up to the fact that my attention span really didn't mature much since Jr. High, and Jr. high was ROUGH. So it takes so much of my concentration, so much of my mental energies that there is no room for the pondering of questions of why, or how, what the hell does this really mean. It's all taken up with the facts, figures and forms that i'll need for a test later.

For the most part I'm ok with this. I figure it's a season now where i'm taking in information and world view changes. Later I'll have the time and energy to make connections between it all that make some kind of sense and help me answer a question or two.

But on the down side it has made me a TERRIBLE conversationist. I'm a cacophony of awkward pauses and confusing logic. My apologies to anyone i have spoken to on the phone with lately.

poor grandma. (shakes head in guilt)

And then there's also the fear that sits in the back of my head that i've somehow lost the ability to think like I once did. But if I went into all the fears that are in the back of that thing i'd be blogging for days.